Psychotherapist. Coach. Consultant.

3 simple steps to get you out of fear jail

Now, there are real situations and people to be afraid of.  If someone can cause you bodily harm, that is something to fear. Unfortunately, we also have emotional fear, money fear, and fear of not being good enough.  We fear speaking, death, taxes, and the unknown.  The problem is not so much that you have fear, but more about how you handle your fear.  Some do nothing; they keep their lives ordered, compact, and ordinary.  Others, take the bull by the horns, feel the fear, and push ahead.  Which one are you?  Do your hands sweat even thinking about doing something different?  Or, are you the one that forges ahead, fear be damned?shutterstock_420918319

 

Most things that we fear are not rooted in any reality.  Much of what we fear  resides only in our heads.  We fear what we don’t understand.  When I was 43 and learning to ski (don’t ask), my husband and I ended up at the top of a blue hill (don’t ask how we got there).  I thought “Why the hell am I going to do now?”  Then I thought, “This is a metaphor for my life.”  When something would scare me, I would turn around and try and forget  the thing that I fear.  At that point, I let loose and skied down the hill.  I didn’t die or break anything.  What I learned is that fear needed to be damned in my life.  Of course, I still get scared and am filled with fear on many days. What I am now able to do is look fear in the eye and do it anyway.

 

What we want is on the other side of our fear. The worse thing to hear in the world is, “I always wanted to do that.”  Really? Yeah, it’s really sad when you think about all the things that you, “wanted to do,” but isn’t it better to think about all the things you have done? Screw it, you may have lost money or things didn’t work out the way you wanted, but at least you did it.  When you do what you want, within reason or allow yourself to dream, it is then that you are really living.  Living life and not living in fear.

 

Three quick tips to handle fear:

 

  1. Embrace the fear – Admit that you are afraid and allow yourself to fear it.  Fear is normal and doesn’t shave to overwhelm you.

 

  1. Feel the fear. . . and then, go for it – Action takes care of fear.  Don’t think about it – just do it.

 

  1. Gratitude – Be grateful for the fear.  The fear is there to keep you safe.  However, it is important that it doesn’t keep you so safe that it imprisons you.

 

It’s important that you begin to fill you life with love and curiosity.  The more that you begin to approach life as an adventure, the less likely you will live in fear.  The question isn’t, “what will people say if I fail.”  The better question is, “will I feel like a failure if I don’t do this?”

 

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