Psychotherapist. Coach. Consultant.

Is silence being used against you?

Silence is my favorite theme of the holiday season.  This time of year is filled with silence. We are reminded of it in the songs that we sing, ”silent night…holy night.”

Silence fills the air in the darkness of the winter evenings that envelope us with their ebony cloak.  I dare anyone to walk in the softly fallen  snow and not be taken with the silence that surrounds them.

In the winter, silence is everywhere.  It is the earth reminding us that we need to rest and grow quiet in order to experience rebirth in the spring.winter-scene

We can choose to enter into the silence or fight against it. We can appreciate it and use it wisely  We can also use it for evil.  It depends on us and our attitude toward silence.

Silence is powerful – it is filled with mystery.

When someone doesn’t speak at a social gather, we become uncomfortable.

We will sit there wondering, “Do they not like me?” or “Did I say something to offend them?”


The silent person at the meeting holds all the cards (the poker face).

When someone doesn’t speak, we tend to project our own feelings on the them, usually accusing them of nefarious thoughts and deeds.


In intimate relationships, silence is devastating.

We get angry….silence

We don’t like something….silence

We don’t get our way…silence

When we don’t say what we think or feel, nothing changes.  Resentment will arise within the relationship.  Resentment leads to contempt and contempt leads to the end of the relationship.

Silence can signal the withdrawal of love.  Have you ever argued with a friend, lover, parent and have them withdraw into silence?  It is not just a withdrawal of dialogue, it can feel like a withdrawal of love.  It is rejection.  Silence can be very hurtful.

Silence is not always golden.  It can be warm and comforting, but it can also be used like a weapon.   

Silence can soothe as well as break a heart.  When has your heart been healed by silence and when has it been broken?  The pain of silence can be hurtful and leave you questioning.  What did I do?  Without a discussion, you will never know.  Silence can leave you hanging…sometimes, forever.

Silence has two faces.

May your Christmas be filled with only the glorious silence of the season.

Merry Christmas!

If you liked this blog, please share.  We are in the season of gift giving:)


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